Trolling the Global Times

You can always rely on the Global Times to publish the biggest load of shit imaginable.

Recently we have had a whole saga featuring some clickbait “journalist” and her experiences with the Global Times. YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! NUMBER THREE WILL SHOCK YOU! However, that is a story for another day. Today we are focusing on the latest xenophobic drivel to be smeared across the pages of the Global Times like rat poison is smeared over the windows of a registered sex offender.

This week in the murky world of Communist mouthpieces, some brainless fucking moron has written a frothing anti-foreigner piece about – surprise, surprise – foreign men preying on defenceless Chinese women. Her name is Wang Han and if you really want to throw a click her way (she’s probably paid 50 cents for each one) you can read the original article here. However, I’d recommend not polluting your eyes by looking at the Global Times website and looking instead at the article which I have copied and pasted below. Looking at the Global Times is seriously bad for your health. It’s like looking at the sun, but instead of a giant ball of flame, it is a giant ball of dogshit. And we all know that playing with dogshit leads to blindness. You’d be safer drinking cold water.

Here we go:

 

An expat-made video audaciously titled “Are Chinese girls easy?” was recently unearthed and analyzed by Guancha.cn, reigniting the passe debate about predatory foreigners in China.

In the video, South African-born Winston Sterzel, 35, who claims to be “China’s original vlogger,” says that many Chinese women see Western males as wealthier than their Chinese counterparts, which makes it easy for foreigners to get these girls into bed.

“Are Chinese girls easy? Yes, they are,” the dapper Sterzel authoritatively states right at the start. “But it depends on the kind of foreigner you are. If you’re black, Indian, any kind of dark-skinned race, forget about it.”

The borderline-racist video’s reemergence follows a spate of seemingly anti-foreign-predator sentiment, including a “Dangerous Love” comic warning Chinese women about handsome foreign men being spies.

By comparison, beer-swilling Serpentza’s (Sterzel’s avatar as a Shenzhen-based expat) rant seems more like a bitter foreigner who just got dumped by his Chinese girlfriend. But the points which he ticks off throughout his 2011-filmed video – that most Chinese girls come from poor villages and that we start talking about marriage within the first month of dating – are severely outdated.

As a single, post-90s generation Chinese female, I laugh at Sterzel’s supercilious assumption that we are all just a bunch of peasants who arrive in urban cities like Shanghai en masse to seek out wealthy-husbands. On the contrary, China’s leftover women – older, career-minded females who don’t mind putting off marriage in order to pursue their profession – have become such a phenomenon that books have been written about it. I guess Sterzel doesn’t read much.

Sterzel really flatters himself by believing that we are all so desperate for money or overseas green cards to escape China that we’d hop in bed with the first Caucasian who crosses our paths. In fact, while I was studying for my Master’s of English Literature in the UK a couple of years ago, I had no desire to date local men. The fact that I was already studying abroad rendered moot any yearning for a green card.

Even though I was surrounded by obviously well-off Western students, never did I once deign to hook up with one. Our cultural differences were simply too vast for us to have any kind of deep relationship. The fact that I knew I’d be returning to China to pursue my journalism career meant that, even if I did go on dates, I wouldn’t have been optimistic about our future. Why, then, would I want to spend my weekends fending off the advances of white guys?

Most of my Chinese classmates in the UK – I’d say 90 percent of them – felt the same as I did. If we were in the mood for male companionship, we went out with a Chinese guy. Conversing in our mother tongue with someone from a similar cultural background made dating so much simpler.

One of my pretty Chinese gal pals in the UK, Crystal, dared to date a British. He relentlessly invited her to take afternoon tea, and they eventually started seeing each other exclusively, but not once in their four-month relationship did she sleep with him. She eventually returned to China with her virtue still intact.

Another of Sterzel’s ludicrous points is that Chinese men are incapable of being monogamous, which, he says, drives Chinese women into the arms of Westerners, but which also makes us all “clingy, jealous and mistrusting.” On the contrary, I’d say that Chinese girls generally prefer to date men from China because they take marriage more seriously. Comparing the divorce rates of China and the West, the proof is in the statistics that China has less instances of infidelity.

Part of the reason why expats in China such as Sterzel may perceive local girls to be easy is that most of them spend their free time in bars and nightclubs which, by nature, host singles seeking casual encounters. But If foreigners are truly seeking a chaste Chinese girl to date and possibly marry, then maybe they should try getting out and about in real China rather than hanging out in clubs or sitting in front of computers making silly videos.

I don’t know about you but such nonsense is actually painful for me to read. If I was to be given the choice between reading this article again or inserting a golf umbrella into my urethra – I wouldn’t even ask if the golf umbrella was opened or closed. I’d say “Stick that fucking umbrella down my fucking Jap’s eye right now.” That’s how bad this article is.

Where to even start with this turd of an article? I’m personally from the Islamic Republic of Great Britain and I can’t even imagine where this girl managed to find the last remaining Victorian gentleman in Britain. Oh! The horror of constant invites to an afternoon tea! The people in England I know wouldn’t have invited her out for tea: they’d have got her drunk on industrial-strength cider and fingered her behind the rubbish bins of a burnt-out McDonalds. If you wanted further proof that this article is ludicrous, just look at this sentence:

“On the contrary, I’d say that Chinese girls generally prefer to date men from China because they take marriage more seriously. Comparing the divorce rates of China and the West, the proof is in the statistics that China has less instances of infidelity.”

Men from China take marriage more seriously? Is that how Wang Han describes it when her boyfriend only gets a handjob and not full sex from a KTV xiaojie? I took my marriage to a six year old girl pretending to be the Virgin Mary more seriously when I was in my primary school Nativity play.

Anyway, just for shits and giggles I found out the email address of this typist journalist. Promptly I sent her the following email:

Subject: DO YOU DARE TO DATE A BRITISH?

Good day Rainy!
As an Englishman I was interested to read your recent article in the Global Times because it is an English language newspaper and English is the only language I understand.
I was happy to see that your journalism career has got off to a flying start writing articles in the well-respected and totally not-shit Global Times about why western men are bad. However, I was sad to hear that you won’t date one of The Descendants of The Bulldog as I’ve seen your photo on your Linkedin profile and you’re at least a 6 out of 10, maybe even a 7 if you have the latest version of Photoshop.
I can understand your reasons. Chinese men do take marriage more seriously: I was told just the same by my good friend Yang Wei while he was in KTV last night hanging out the back of a girl from Hunan. Yet despite our vast cultural differences, is there any chance I can persuade you to dare date a British? I promise that I won’t pester you to drink tea and I will make sure your virtue remains intact. Let’s just go to a coffee shop and hold hands.
Awaiting your reply,
A BRITISH MAN
Let’s see the Global Times defend its self-proclaimed reputation as being a beacon of investigative journalism. Hopefully our friend will get in touch. If she does, I’ll publish the updates here.

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