The Further Erotic Adventures of Xi Jinping

If you enjoyed our previous instalment of erotic mishaps featuring the lovable Xi Jinping, then I have a treat for you: here’s another one. This one is entitled “The Chairman and The Tailor”.

Reporters without borders… and country leaders without SEXUAL borders! Phwoar!


Xi Jinping, leader of the world’s largest (and some say – best) Communist Party had a little known secret: he always felt uncomfortable unless he was wearing a windbreaker jacket or just stark bollock naked. Hence, it was with some trepidation when he walked into the Wangfujing branch of Uniqlo. He needed a new jacket for a global meeting on carbon emissions he was speaking at and he wanted to make sure that he looked the fucking shit. Last time, the Prime Minister of Japan had upstaged him with a strapless manbag and Lacoste belt. It would not happen again.

“If you could slip out of your jacket, Mr Xiaoping” entoned the fay shop assistant. “We’ll let you try some of the new stock on” “It’s Jinping” said Xi Jinping as his laugh filled the cluttered shop like an arsehole on

Xi Jinping threw aside the windbreaker and unbuckled his $$$888RICHBOSS888$$$ brand belt letting his trousers fall. The fabric rushed past his polished four-incher leaving him standing naked. The rarefied air of the clothes shop brushed against his black and curlies like a fart in a spacesuit and for a moment he felt like a yellow Messiah.

“Miss Rainy will measure you up” said the shop assistant as he disappeared out back to masturbate and cry.

Rainy strolled into the room and immediately Xi Jinping felt a twinge in his government organ. She was wearing a little black dress which he knew concealed a fantastic pair of tits and almost certainly a cunt so tight it ate at Dicos.

“Just relax, Sir, while I measure your inside leg” she said with a Hunanese accent richer than a Guinness fuelled laduzi session. As Xi Jinping felt the cold metal of the tape measure climb up his leg, he could feel his Party Member fill with blood quicker than a tampon on the first day.

Before he knew it, Miss Rainy was rubbing his growing concern like a FOB Tim swiping his CoolPad and wondering why he can’t find any Pokemon Go in Hohhot. She pulled apart her dress to expose her smooth white skin, epic boobs and a fanny more hairy than the floor of a busy barber shop at closing time. She had a 5/8 manjaw. “What a shame she isn’t flatter,” sighed Xi.

He ploughed into her like a K Train and plunged his now diamond hard cock into her like he was staking Dracula. Within hours it was over, Miss Rainy a useless pile of tit, minge and spunk and Xi Jinping panting and sweating like a multiple rapist.

Xi Jinping rolled up his massive cock and pulled on his windbreaker. “What about the new jacket, Mr President?” breathed Rainy.

“Fuck it. I’ll wear me old windbreaker. Do you know the President of the US is a black man?” roared Xi as he bent down over her bloodless torso, whispered “Harmony” in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

The End


If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy my book Party Members – a dark comic fantasy that exposes the corrupt underbelly of modern China.

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